part of me knows i want to hold on to this forever.
part of me says not to hold my faith too high so i don't get hurt.

i made a fool out of myself.

dear diary,

have you ever felt upset?
not cause you didn't win a game.
but that you lost some broken reliance.

have you ever felt upset?
not cause you lost a pillar,
but the balance of the pillar.

have you ever felt upset?
which is worse?
not having something or having it broken?

how did we get here
when i thought i know you so well.
when i thought you know me so well.
i realise i'm wrong.

am i upset for being accused of getting upset for a wrong reason?
it became a totally different reason before and after.

maybe i haven't changed at all.
sorry trust haven't been my best subject.
that my heart sank when you said that.
you don't know me afterall.

i was used to walking on ice alone.
it was so much easier when it was easy to steer clear of anyone.
now that i let my guts down a little and slipped.
it hurts more than i imagined.

so long

hi diary.
it must have been long and quiet.
just thought i dust off some cobwebs here and jot some of my little feelings here. just me and you.
now it's just us, no more the 17 year old girl five years ago.

i went back to king albert park macdonalds that day.
i looked around, my mind overwhelmed with pieces of flashbacks. mostly good, mostly wonderful, well a tiny bit of bitter accompanied though.

i thought of A and cringed a little. you know diary, they always say we have to learn to let things go, to be happier. i did try, just that there are still times when i sit alone and let my mind wander a little too far away, and what comes to mind always stops at places that i was a little more of a letdown- to myself, most importantly to people and things that i was once passionate in. far too many. they call it, life. i hate myself for the numerous times that i let my heart sink too deep. it shouldn't be like that.

it shouldn't be like that.

one day i'll fly away

I follow the night
Can't stand the light
When will I begin
To live again?

One day I'll fly away
Leave all this to yesterday
What more could your Love do for me?
When will Love be through with me?

Why live life from dream to dream?
And dread the day when dreaming ends

One day I'll fly away
Leave all this to yesterday
Why live life from dream to dream?
And dread the day when dreaming ends

One day I'll fly away
Fly, fly away

最近- 李圣杰

你最近不说话
怎麽了为什麽
是不是有什麽事让你不快乐
听说你最近很孤单
有点乱有点慌
可是我却不能够在你的身旁
你想要的
我却不能够给你我全部
我能给的
却又不是你想要拥有的
我们不适合也不想认输
好几次我们抱着彼此都是想要哭
你常解释这样的一切都只是开始
我觉得是所有的一切早就已结束
不想再约束
不要再痛苦
下一次会有更好的情路
爱我却不能给你我全部
我能给的
却又不是你想要拥有的
我们不适合也不想认输
好几次我们抱着彼此都是想要哭
你常解释这样的一切都只是开始
我觉得是所有的一切早就已结束
不想再约束
不要再痛苦
下一次会有更好的情路
这一次我们都能很幸福

tonight

i feel helpless.
everything is broken.
you know, i cannot fix everything.
some things, just left broken.
i want to leave.
how do i?

good night, my vent out space.